I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How naked do you want me to be?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
