dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
