Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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