who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
