i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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