the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
