Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
