And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
