Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
