just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize