no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
