If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Michael Bay diarrhea
false alarm. still invincible.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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