i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
