I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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