how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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