2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
