Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize
