One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
