At least make sure they are 18
Why
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
