Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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