Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
