I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
