Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
if only i could text you this smell
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
