It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize