so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
