We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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