Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
