Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
