college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize