i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
