This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
