Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
is that a dick in a sweater?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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