if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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