Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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