Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
