Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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