I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
