Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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