They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
