If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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