Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
