I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize