he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
