Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
