I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
