Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Quick, to the slutcave!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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