Having a random hookup so left but love u
this beer tastes like vomit already
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The Olympian is in my bed
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
