Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
