And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
