Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
