So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
