This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
