Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize