Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
