im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
