i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
