Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you never un-have a 4some
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
