i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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