Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
