? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
