May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
