It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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