NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
