no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
