I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize