so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
