And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
