I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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