Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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