there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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