fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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