right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
