oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
