So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
