We won't sleep together?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
