what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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