Sponge bath it is.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
